When I tell you I cannot live without a fan, I need you to understand I am being completely serious.

I need you to understand I am being completely serious, like dead serious.

I do not mean, “Oh, I sleep better with one.”

I mean I will not go anywhere I’m going to sleep or even get ready without making sure I have a fan with me.

It is probably the single most important thing I own that does not have a heartbeat.

And it’s not even always about having the air blowing on me.

It’s the sound.

That sound has comforted me my entire life.

It has helped me sleep when life was at its absolute worst.

It has helped me when I’ve been in pain, when I’ve been overwhelmed, when I’ve been crying, when my brain would not shut the hell up, and when no human being could calm me down.

I can focus on the sound of that fan and somehow everything gets quieter.

A fan doesn’t ask me what’s wrong.

It doesn’t give me advice.

It doesn’t talk back.

It doesn’t say shit.

It just runs, till it doesn’t.

And for whatever reason, that sound has always told my brain, “Okay. You’re safe. You can shut the world out now. You can sleep.”

About 11 years ago, I was broke.

Like genuinely broke.

So broke I could not even pay attention.

And my fan went out at 3 in the morning.

Now, I have never been the type of person to ask anybody for help.

I have always been the I will figure it out type of person especially in survival mode.

I will go without.

I will make something work.

But this was and will always be different.

Anyone that says otherwise can argue with their mama.

I could not would not and will not EVER go without a fan a day in my life.

I have even brought one even to the hospital with me.

There was this one time I was so broke I couldn’t pay attention and I woke up at 3 in the morning bc my fan decided to stop working.

I was infact up the rest of the day!

I was on the verge of a whole-ass melt down.

Until someone suggested this Facebook group for people from that are from where I’m from, and I actually went in there and asked if anybody could help me with one.

And if you know me, that alone should tell you just how serious it was because I do not ask people for anything.

So I went to the group and posted my request.

I explained why I needed it.

I explained what that sound meant to me and how much I depended on it to sleep and calm myself down.

And if you know me then you know just how hard that was for me to do.

I waited for them to approve it.

The whole time worrying they wouldn’t because I just knew they would think it was a ridiculous request.

But within an hour, this woman showed up with THREE brand-new box fans.

Three, not one but three box fans.

Not because she thought I needed three fans blowing on me at the same damn time.

She brought three because she understood what I was trying to tell people.

She understood that this wasn’t some little preference.

She didn’t want me having to worry about being without one again.

And I have never forgotten that woman and I never will as long as I live.

In fact, I am still friends with her to this day.

And since then, I have been able to be there for her during some of her dark times too.

Because what she did for me that day was so much bigger than handing me 3 box fans.

At that point in my life, I had no family here I was single just out of a crappie relationship.

I was already on the verge of a breakdown or a melton down of unimaginable depths.

Life was so hard back during that time.

So for the one stupid little thing I knew I could count on to help me shut everything out at night to break was definitely not what I needed.

So when that woman showed up with those fans, she gave me back one little piece of comfort when I desperately needed it.

I still have one of those fans today.

Eleven years later.

And honestly, when that thing finally quits working, I will probably keep it anyway.

Because at this point, it is not just a fan.

It is a reminder of a time when a complete stranger understood that something other people might laugh at was actually very serious to me.

So when somebody tells me they cannot sleep without a fan, I’m never going to laugh at them.

Because you really do not know what something that simple might mean to somebody.

For some people, it might just be white noise.

For me, that sound has been there my entire life.

Through pain.

Through heartbreak.

Through stress.

Through nights I thought would never end.

When people couldn’t fix it, the fan didn’t have to.

It just had to be there.

So when I tell you I cannot live without a fan…

I mean that shit with my whole being.

And unfortunately, the only thing wrong with this lifelong relationship is they eventually break.

But I guess that’s what happens when you run the damn thing 24/7. 😂