I’ll give this and this is all that I’ve got.

1. This Is What I Know About Sacrifice

They say hindsight is 20/20. Unfortunately it breaks down when you don’t look at your actual past. Life is a series of choices. You wrecked it, it broke. It wasn’t meant to be. An soon and so on.

my story has been chiseled at and infiltrated by a pain i cannot describe without these words, words that radiate something that is luminous more credible and more durable than real facts. I missed out on childhood’s charisma. Stalled in a childhood I wanted to forget, but everyday I am thankful for truly understanding what it means to even be thankful. Some would call it learning to look at the glass half full, but even when it’s empty being grateful there is a glass at all and knowing I am always capable of refilling it under any circumstance. Whether it’s me Just being fortunate or maybe just blessed with a strong will. This is what I know about SACRIFICES. My most important achievement thus far is learning to love me, my imperfections and flaws motivate me and allow me to keep moving forward. Loving me also showed me how to love another and value their love along side my two beautiful girls. Thankful everyday I finally have someone to help carry the load and pick the pieces, even at times when I’m unable or need to regroup because life, especially my life is about constant SACRIFICES, In a world that never stops. It is something I’ve struggled with all on my own for much of it, I had no concept of what healthy boundaries even were and their importance. And as an adult enduring what seemed like an eternity, an ABUSIVE, VIOLENTLY CONTROLLING MAN. Making Everything in life seem to just be passing me by with this daily reminder with even all I possess I cannot endure this forever! It’s next to impossible to see ourselves as others see us. The tides in my life have run against me for which seemed like an eternity and in my deep, dark hours, what a miserable mess right? So my problems are your problems, of course not! Everyday I felt and still feel the thorns and bruises of life, sometimes I wonder have I been cheated? In beauty, charm, and brains? Should I dwell on the things I lack, and become even more miserable inside? Should I let this war between good and evil overcome me. While living my life is an every day struggle, full of twists and turns. And there it hit me I don’t care if I let you down anymore. Tell me what makes it matter. I’m done running and chasing, it’s not too late to change. Even on the edge of goodbye. Mothers love their daughters and I’m a mother, learning to be the best I can at the toughest role I’ve ever known. It is lonely, scary and thankless a lot of the time, but love is such a powerful and rewarding thing. Unconditional love is like wide open eyes that take the good with the bad.
On top of all that I’ve lost, I have not lost that my daughters, being a mother. This is what I know about sacrifice!

AMANDA